I’m so overwhelmed…
This is a long story which is mostly for myself and I will attempt to condense it down as much as possible. I was born to two teenagers who divorced when I was a baby. My mom got custody of me. She developed a turbulent relationship with a drug called methamphetamine. She neglected my siblings and I, leaving me, a young girl, to make sure my little brother and sister were fed, clothed, bathed, and made it to school. When I was nine, she lost custody of all three of us one by one, me the last to go.
When I moved in with my dad, he had a new wife, and being a growing young girl who just lost her mother, I needed that space to be filled. I took easily to my dad’s wife, called her mom, truly looked at her as my mother. She and my dad were together for five years. From ages 8 - 13 of my life. When they divorced, she dropped me completely. No spending time, not even a phone call, not even on my birthday.
I went through some serious depression because as I went through the first years of high school, all my friends had their mothers. I was the only one who had had two mothers before and been abandoned by both of them. I felt inadequate and unloved. I needed a mother. I needed someone to fill that role in my life.
So I ran into my biological mother one day and she’s telling me how much she’s missed me and how she wants to spend time with me (which is hard to believe considering the fact that in all those years she never tried to contact me) but I agreed to spend some time with her anyway.
I saw a different side of my mother - something I know I have seen in her before, but something that goes away completely when she’s on the shit. I was relating to her. I was comfortable with her. I felt the bond between mother and daughter that always stays with you no matter what. I look at my belly button and I know that’s the place where she and I were literally attached to one another. And I know that bond will never go away.
I moved in with my mom when I turned 18. And it was wonderful at first. She was the Angela I loved and missed. But some people never change. My mom is one of those people. One day I go to the store to get groceries and as I’m putting them in the fridge there is a knock at the door. Two police officers. I was confused and freaked out and before I knew it, I was on my way to jail with everyone else in the house.
“Guilt by association”, they call it. A woman living with her mother is guilty of what her mother is doing simply because she lives there. Hmm..
It’s spent seven days in there, phone calls from my grandma - so disappointed and sick with worry. But the worst was my dad - on the phone, screaming at me to ADMIT that I was also using meth.
After my childhood. The loss of my mother at a young age. The emotional trauma. The abuse and neglect leading to low self esteem, severe anxiety and bipolar disorder, all as a result of this drug. And you think I would ever put my hands on that repulsive shit?
When I got out of jail it was a shitstorm and a long story in itself. Basically my dad had me on house arrest and my lawyer literally LIED to me saying that I was in my dad’s legal custody (Consider that I’m nineteen years old at this point).
But I got away from that. And me and my dad are solid now, tight as ever.
I took a plea bargain that gave me a shitload of fines, in addition to being on probation for one year. But that’s not the worst of it.
My mother, and her merry band of dope cooking circus freaks - the ones who were actually doing illegal shit - got their cases completely dismissed.
That’s right.
So now here I am, suffering the consequences of other people’s actions. Not only that, bombarded with bills and unable to get a job because “possession of paraphernalia” is now on my criminal record. The pathetic swine at the local newspaper make me sound like a worthless piece of shit drug fiend/manufacturer. I cannot catch a fucking break right now.
And this is really goddamn hard.
My bipolar is manifesting in a less manageable way than it has been in the last few years when I could keep it under control.
I just feel like I’m slipping. Too young to feel this hopeless…
Heath Ledger as the Joker skate boarding over Christian Bale as Batman while they take a break on the set of The Dark Knight.
You can all quit your lives now. Single greatest picture in the history of pictures and internet.
PLEASE STOP REBLOGGING THIS PICTURE IT IS LITERALLY A SHOT FROM THE MOVIE RIGHT AFTER THE 45 MINUTE CHASE SCENE RIGHT BEFORE GORDON APPEARS AND GOES ‘WE GOT YOU YOU SON OF A BITCH’ WITH A SKATEBOARD POORLY PHOTOSHOPPED IN
The fuck’s wrong with reblogging poorly photoshopped pictures?
(Source: we-should-fuck-now-that-i)
“My mother fought cancer for almost a decade and died at 56. She held out long enough to meet the first of her grandchildren and to hold them in her arms. But my other children will never have the chance to know her and experience how loving and gracious she was. I decided to be proactive and to minimize the risk as much I could. I made a decision to have a preventive double mastectomy.
Life comes with many challenges. The ones that should not scare us are the ones we can take on and take control of” - My Medical Choice by Angelina Jolie, New York Times (14 May, 2013)
I love this. I put in some extentions and it just reminded me of how much better I look with long hair.
